Marriott Edgar ( )

Alberts Return

Youve `eard `ow young Albert Ramsbottom 
At the zoo up at Blackpool one year 
With a stick with an `orses `ead `andle
Gave a lion a poke in the ear? 

The name of the lion was Wallace, 
The poke in the ear made `im wild 
And before you could say Bobs yer uncle 
Ed upped and `ed swallowed the child. 

`E were sorry the moment `e done it; 
With children `ed always been chums, 
And besides, `ed no teeth in his muzzle, 
And `e couldnt chew Albert ont gums. 

`E could feel the lad movin inside `im 
As `e lay on `is bed of dried ferns; 
And it might `ave been little lads birthday-
E wished `im such `appy returns. 

But Albert kept kickin and fightin- 
And Wallace got up, feelin bad.
Decided twere time that `e started 
To stage a comeback for the lad. 

Then puttin `ead down in one corner, 
On `is front paws `e started to walk; 
And `e coughed, and `e sneezed, and `e gargled 
`Till Albert shot out - like a cork! 

Now Wallace felt better directly 
And `is figure once more became lean.
But the only difference with Albert Was,
`is face and `is `ands were quite clean. 

Meanwhile Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom 
`Ad gone back to their tea, feelin blue.
Ma said, I feel down in the mouth, like.
 Pa said, Aye, I bet Albert does, too. 

Said Mother, It just goes to show yer 
That the future is never revealed;
If Id thowt we was goin to lose `im,
Id `ave not `ad `is boots soled and `eeled. 

Lets look on the bright side, said Father,
Wot cant be `elped must be endured; 
Each cloud `as a silvery lining, 
And we did `ave young Albert insured. 

A knock on the door came that moment 
As Father these kind words did speak. 
`Twas the man from Prudential - `ed come for 
Their tuppence per person per week. 

When Father saw `oo `ad been knockin, 
`E laughed, and `e kept laughin` so -
The man said `Ere, wots there to laugh at? 
Pa said Youll laugh and all when you know! 

Excuse `im for laughing, said Mother, 
But really, things `appen so strange - 
Our Alberts been et by a lion; 
Youve got to pay us for a change!

Said the young man from the Prudential:
Now, come, come, lets understand this- 
You dont mean to say that youve lost `im? 
Pa said Oh, no, we know where `e is! 

When the young man `ad `eard all the details, 
A purse from `is pocket he drew 
And `e paid them with interest and bonus 
The sum of nine pounds, four and two. 

Pa `ad scarce got `is `and on the money 
When a face at the window they see-
And Mother cried Eee, look, its Albert!
And Father said Aye, it would be.

Albert came in all excited, 
And started `is story to give; 
And Pa said Ill never trust lions
Again, not as long as I live. 

The young man from the Prudential 
To pick up the money began 
But Father said `ere, wait a moment, 
Dont be in a `urry, young man. 

Then giving young Albert a shilling, 
`E said `Ere, pop off back to the zoo; 
Get your stick with the `orses `ead `andle-
Go and see wot the tigers can do!

Marriott Edgar's other poems:
  1. Queen Matilda
  2. The Magna Charter
  3. George and the Dragon
  4. Henry the Seventh
  5. William Rufus

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