Marriott Edgar ( )

The Jubilee Sovreign

On Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms
Invited relations to tea, 
Including young Alberts grandmother- 
An awkward old . . party, was she. 

Shed seen Queen Victorias accession
And `er wedding to Albert (the Good) 
But she got quite upset when young Albert 
Asked `er `ow shed got on in the Flood.

She cast quite a damper ont party, 
But she warmed up a bit after tea, 
And gave Albert a real golden sovereign 
Shed been saving since last Jubilee. 

It `ad picture of Queen ont one side 
And a dragon fight on the reverse, 
And it smelled of camphor and cobwebs 
Through being so long in `er purse. 

Albert `andled the coin, and `e kissed it 
And `e felt the rough edge with `is tongue; 
For `e knew by the look of `is father 
That it wouldnt be `is very long. 

I`ll show you a trick wi that sovereign,
Said Pa, `oo were `overin near- 
And `e took and pretended to eat it,
Then brought it back out of `is ear. 

This magic filled Albert with wonder, 
And before you could say Uncle Dick, 
`Ed got the coin back from `is father 
And performed the first part of the trick.

When they all saw where the money `ad gone 
With excitement the relatives burned; 
And each one suggested some process 
For getting the money returned. 

Some were for fishing with tweezers, 
While some were for shaking it out; 
If we only got back a few shillings, 
They said `twould be better than nowt. 

They tried `olding Albert `ead downward
And giving `is shoulders a clump- 
`Till his uncle, `oo worked for a chemist 
Said Theres nowt for it but stomach pump. 

Well, they `adnt a stomach pump `andy, 
But Pa did the best that `e could 
With a bicycle pump that they borrowed 
But that werent nearly so good. 

So off they went to the doctor 
`Oo looked down `is throat with a glass; 
`E said Thisll mean operation- 
I fear that `ell `ave to `ave gas. 

`Ow much is this `ere goin to cost me? 
Said Father, beginning to squirm. 
Im afraid that it comes out expensive- 
The best gas is eight pence a therm. 

Theres my time, six shillings an hour; 
You cant do these things in two ticks- 
By rights I should charge you a guinea, 
But Ill do it for eighteen and six. 

Wot, eighteen and six to get sovereign? 
Said Father, That doesnt sound sense 
Ill tell you, youd best keep young Albert 
And give us the odd eighteen pence! 

The doctor concurred this arrangement, 
But to this day he stands in some doubt 
As to whether hes in eighteen shillings
Or whether hes eighteen pence out.

Marriott Edgar's other poems:
  1. Alberts Return
  2. Henry the Seventh
  3. Queen Matilda
  4. Albert and the Eadsman
  5. Richard Coeur-de-Lion

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