Marriott Edgar ( )

The Lion and Albert

Theres a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
Thats noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with an orses ead andle,
The finest that Woolworths could sell.

They didnt think much of the Ocean:
The waves, they were fiddlin and small,
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.

So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid and went into the Zoo,
Where theyd Lions and Tigers and Camels,
And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big Lion called Wallace;
His nose were all covered with scars -
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about Lions,
How they was ferocious and wild -
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well, it didnt seem right to the child.

So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with its orses ead andle
And pushed it in Wallaces ear.

You could see that the Lion didnt like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with im,
And swallowed the little lad ole.

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence, 
And didnt know what to do next,
Said Mother! Yon Lions et Albert,
And Mother said Well, I am vexed!

Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom -
Quite rightly, when alls said and done -
Complained to the Animal Keeper,
That the Lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it;
He said What a nasty mishap.
Are you sure that its your boy hes eaten?
Pa said Am I sure? Theres his cap!

The manager had to be sent for.
He came and he said Whats to do?
Pa said Yon Lions et Albert,
And im in his Sunday clothes, too.

Then Mother said, Rights right, young feller;
I think its a shame and a sin,
For a lion to go and eat Albert,
And after weve paid to come in.

The manager wanted no trouble,
He took out his purse right away,
Saying How much to settle the matter?
And Pa said What do you usually pay?

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone.
She said No! someones got to be summonsed -
So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the Plice Station,
In front of the Magistrate chap;
They told im what happened to Albert,
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing,
And thank you, sir, kindly, said she.
What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!

Marriott Edgar's other poems:
  1. Alberts Return
  2. Henry the Seventh
  3. Albert and the Eadsman
  4. Queen Matilda
  5. Richard Coeur-de-Lion

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