Ellis Parker Butler ( )

Jabed Meeker, Humorist

Twain? Oh, yes, Ive heard Mark Twain
Heard him down to Pleasant Plain;
Funny? Yes, I guess so. Folks
Seemed to laugh loud at his jokes
Laughed to beat the band; but I
Couldnt rightly make out why.
Guess his humor aint refined.
Quite enough to suit my mind.
Marks all rightright clever speaker
But he cant touch Jabed Meeker;
And one thing that makes it queer
Is that Jabed lives right here.

You aint met him? Son, youve missed
The most funniest humorist
Ive met with in my born days
Funniest talker, anyways,
When it comes to repartee
Thats the humor catches me!

Like a specimen? Huh! Well,
Take, for instance, his umbrell;
Wouldnt think, until he spoke,
He could turn that to a joke;
Mark Twain couldnt, bet you that!
Thats where Meeker beats Mark flat!

Just imagine three or four
Fellers in Jim Beemers store
Long comes Meeker, and some feller
Says, See Meekers bum umbreller.
Quick as lightning Meeker d yell:
Dont you guy my bumberell!
Wheres the feller dares to hoot
At this sping-spang bumbershoot?
Show me some one dares to call
Bad names at my bumbersoll!
Right like that! Right off the reel!
Say, youd ought to heard us squeal!
Then, before wed got our breath,
Meeker, solemn sad as death,
Says: Stand up there gainst that wall,

Twain? All right! But just give me
Some one slick at repartee!

Ellis Parker Butler's other poems:
  1. Why I Went to the Foot
  2. The Ballade of the Automobile
  3. The Final Tax
  4. Why Washington Retreated
  5. At Variance

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