Poem by James Kenneth Stephen

The Ballade of the Incompetent Ballade-Monger

I am not ambitious at all:
    I am not a poet, I know 
(Though I do love to see a mere scrawl
    To order and symmetry grow). 
    My muse is uncertain and slow, 
I am not expert with my tools.
    I lack the poetic argot: 
But I hope I have kept to the rules.

When your brain is undoubtedly small,
    'Tis hard, sir, to write in a row, 
Some five or six rhymes to "Nepaul,"
    And more than a dozen to "Joe": 
    And meter is easier though, 
Three rhymes are sufficient for "ghouls,"
    My lines are deficient in go, 
But I hope I have kept to the rules.

Unable to fly let me crawl,
    Your patronage kindly bestow: 
I am not the author of "Saul,"
    I am not Voltaire or Rousseau: 
    I am not desirous, oh no! 
To rise from the ranks of the fools,
    To shine with Gosse, Dobson, and Co.: 
But I hope I have kept to the rules.

Dear Sir, though my language is low,
    Let me dip in Pierian pools: 
My verses are only so-so,
    But I hope I have kept to the rules.

1. After the Golden Wedding (Three Soliloquies)
2. Steam-Launches on the Thames
3. The Last Ride Together (after Browning)
4. My Education
5. A Parodist's Apology

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