Marriott Edgar ( )

The Battle of Hastings

Ill tell of the Battle of Hastings, 
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England, 
And Arold got shot in the eye.

It were this way - one day in October 
The Duke, who were always a toff
Having no battles on at the moment, 
Had given his lads a day off.

Theyd all taken boats to go fishing, 
When some chap in t Conquerors ear
Said Lets go and put breeze up the Saxons; 
Said Bill - By gum, thats an idea.

Then turning around to his soldiers, 
He lifted his big Nonnan voice,
Shouting - Hands up whos coming to England. 
That was swank cos they hadnt no choice.

They started away about tea-time - 
The sea was so calm and so still,
And at quarter to ten the next morning 
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.

King Arold came up as they landed - 
His face full of venom and ate - 
He said lf youve come for Regatta 
Youve got here just six weeks too late.

At this William rose, cool but aughty, 
And said Give us none of your cheek;
Youd best have your throne re-upholstered, 
Ill be wanting to use it next week.

When Arold heard this ere defiance, 
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon, 
To which William answered - And you.

Twere a beautiful day for a battle; 
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled, 
They tossed for the top of the hill.

King Arold he won the advantage, 
On the hill-top he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him, 
On his orse with his awk in his and.

The Normans had nowt in their favour, 
Their chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them, 
And the wind in their faces an all.

The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty, 
And soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started banging each other 
Til the swineherds could hear them in Kent.

The Saxons had best line of forwards, 
Well armed both with buckler and sword - 
But the Normans had best combination, 
And when half-time came neither had scored.

So the Duke called his cohorts together 
And said - Lets pretend that were beat,
Once we get Saxons down on the level 
Well cut off their means of retreat.

So they ran - and the Saxons ran after, 
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving Arold alone on the hill-top 
On his orse with his awk in his and.

When the Conqueror saw what had happened, 
A bow and an arrow he drew;
He went right up to Arold and shot him. 
He were off-side, but what could they do?

The Normans turned round in a fury, 
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting, 
And you couldnt see Saxons for dust.

And after the battle were over 
They found Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eye-full of arrow 
On his orse with his awk in his and.

Marriott Edgar's other poems:
  1. Alberts Return
  2. Henry the Seventh
  3. Albert and the Eadsman
  4. Queen Matilda
  5. Richard Coeur-de-Lion

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